


Purple Lilacs

by ravenbellatrix



Category: Tower of God, 신의 탑 | Tower of God
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:07:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25102906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravenbellatrix/pseuds/ravenbellatrix
Summary: A short fic filled with angst and pain and most importantly - GAY ANGST! :DI have no idea how to summarise stuff so if you have some spare time, please read this, and maybe drop some kudos or comments :D
Relationships: Khun Aguero Agnis/Twenty-Fifth Baam | Jyu Viole Grace
Comments: 6
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a random burst of motivation to write something like hanahaki-ish, and I tried to tie it in at the end, but I don't think it's exactly what. envisioned it to be, although I do love how it turned out. It's pretty spontaneous so the formatting might not be that good.   
> Anyways, warnings: It is very angsty so if you want another ending which isn't AS angsty I made another one which is slightly lass painful (I think)   
> Well, I won't waste more of your time - please enjoy! :D

Purple lilacs.

They are everywhere, pastel purple overwhelming my vision.

“Help..”, came a small, cracked voice. A broken body was lying in the field of lilacs. They were growing out of him, out of his mouth, out of his ears, out of his eyes, out of his stomach. It was me. I was lying, broken, in a field of pretty purple lilacs with them growing out of me. Icy blue eyes flashed through my mind, a welcoming change from the now sickening purple.

Blue. Blue… It feels sad and calm, yet so trustworthy. The scene changed. I was next to a lake. I could see my reflection from the surface of the water. My face was smeared with blood and dirt, cracks stretching from one end of my face to the other, lilacs growing out of them. I hate this. I want to become strong, not broken and weak.

“Hey.” came a cool voice from behind. I was so tempted to turn my head and see who he was, to see if he was the man I was looking for, the man I loved… but I couldn’t. I couldn’t let him see me so weak, so vulnerable, so broken.

“Why are you trembling?” he asked. His voice was gentle. Just like how he would comfort me when I woke up from a bad dream. I couldn’t answer, scared that my voice would sound weak, would sound broken, would give him any hint that I wasn’t strong enough to protect him. Slender fingers touched my shoulders, making me shudder in his icy grasp. I could feel his shadow loom over me, yet I couldn't see it.

‘He’s gone’ supplied my brain unhelpfully. A part of me wanted to believe that he was still here, that he was with me by the lake, that I had been strong enough to save him from his cruel fate. A part of me wanted to believe that it was just one of his many plans he made… but I knew it couldn’t be. I stared at my reflection on the lake. For a second I seemed to see him there, by my side, shining in a gold halo light like the angel he is.

An angel.

I hope he becomes another, just like how he was mine when… when he was still here.

I stared at the mirror-like lake once again. Tears were streaming down my face, falling into the cracks, onto the lilacs, onto the calm surface of the lake. The water rippled from the point where the tear had dropped, breaking the calm and still surface of the lake.

‘Like a drop of pollutant into a glass of clear water. That’s what you are. A pollutant in his life’ I sobbed, hands covering my face and knees giving away to the immense stress, pain, and frustration bottled up inside me, ready to burst. The grip on my shoulder became a gentle squeeze, a familiar sensation I had missed so much. “Stand up,” the voice murmured. I stood up shakily, desperately trying to wipe away my tears.

“Turn around.”

I froze. I couldn’t let him see me like this. Suddenly, I was turning around. I panicked, tears rolling down my cheeks faster than ever. “No…” I couldn’t stop myself from turning. I averted my gaze, too scared to look into his eyes and see the disappointment in them. But, I couldn’t stop myself. I was too curious. I wanted to know if it really was him. I looked up. It was him, with his soft and gentle gaze that seemed to be only for me, with the small smirk he always wore on his face, with the child-like enthusiasm masked behind his cool gaze.

He was wearing his signature outfit, a black tie, white shirt and a pair of grey pants accompanied by his blue bandanna which held his hair up into a ponytail, a hair style I loved on him. He placed his icy hands on my cheek and pulled me in swiftly.

Just as our foreheads were about to collide, he stopped. I looked up at his face, which morphed from the gentle smile to a glare filled with pure anger and hate. “Why didn’t you save me?” he screamed. “I hate you!” With a strong push, I toppled over and fell. As I was falling, everything seemed to be in slow-motion, and all I could feel were my tears running down in rivulets, his hating glare burning itself into my brain as his words echoed around in the silence.

My back hit the freezing water, the cold biting at my skin and making me feel numb, numb to all the pain, but not the emotions that were stirring up and overwhelming me.

I stared up, up into the world where he stood, wishing and praying he would forgive me, would pull me up and comfort me, tell me that everything was just a dream. Sprigs of purple lilacs floated around me, dainty ice crystals forming on unopened buds and on delicate petals.

I closed my eyes and filled my thoughts with self-loathe, welcoming the cold and seemingly bottomless lake. Or.. was it? My back hit the soft mattress with a dull thud. I sat up with a large gasp, coughing and hacking. A small sprig of purple flowers smeared in blood landed on my hand.

“I’m so sorry… don’t leave me, not again.” I closed my eyes as tears started rolling down my cheek, dropping onto the sprig of lilac. 

  
  



	2. Purple Lilacs 2.0

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's similar to the first chapter, but I tweaked the ending a bit so it's not as angsty and painful I hope. Please enjoy! :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As in the summary and as I said in the last chapter, this is the version with hopefully less angst.   
> SORRY FOR TERRIBLE FORMATTING IN LAST CHAPTER I TRIED THIS TIME OK (YENTL)   
> Ah I forgot to mention in the last chapter, thanks to mah fwens for encouraging me to post this here and actually giving a crap about my writing lol.

Purple lilacs. They are everywhere, pastel purple overwhelming my vision.

“Help..”, came a small, cracked voice. A broken body was lying in the field of lilacs. They were growing out of him, out of his mouth, out of his ears, out of his eyes, out of his stomach. It was me. I was lying, broken, in a field of pretty purple lilacs with them growing out of me. Icy blue eyes flashed through my mind, a welcoming change from the now sickening purple. Blue. Blue… It feels sad and calm, yet so trustworthy. The scene changed. I was next to a lake. I could see my reflection from the surface of the water. My face was smeared with blood and dirt, cracks stretching from one end of my face to the other, lilacs growing out of them. I hate this. I want to become strong, not broken and weak.

“Hey.” came a cool voice from behind. I was so tempted to turn my head and see who he was, to see if he was the man I was looking for, the man I loved… but I couldn’t. I couldn’t let him see me so weak, so vulnerable, so broken.

“Why are you trembling?” he asked. His voice was gentle. Just like how he would comfort me when I woke up from a bad dream. I couldn’t answer, scared that my voice would sound weak, would sound broken, would give him any hint that I wasn’t strong enough to protect him. Slender fingers touched my shoulders, making me shudder in his icy grasp. I could feel his shadow loom over me, yet I couldn't see it.

‘He’s gone’ supplied my brain unhelpfully. A part of me wanted to believe that he was still here, that he was with me by the lake, that I had been strong enough to save him from his cruel fate. A part of me wanted to believe that it was just one of his many plans he made… but I knew it couldn’t be. I stared at my reflection on the lake. For a second I seemed to see him there, by my side, shining in a gold halo light like the angel he is. An angel. I hope he becomes another, just like how he was mine when… when he was still here. I stared at the mirror-like lake once again. Tears were streaming down my face, falling into the cracks, onto the lilacs, onto the calm surface of the lake. The water rippled from the point where the tear had dropped, breaking the calm and still surface of the lake.

‘Like a drop of pollutant into a glass of clear water. That’s what you are. A pollutant in his life’ I sobbed, stumbling backwards, hands covering my face and knees giving away to the immense stress, pain, and frustration bottled up inside me, ready to burst. The grip on my shoulder became a gentle squeeze, a familiar sensation I had missed so much.

“Stand up,” the voice murmured. I stood up shakily, desperately trying to wipe away my tears.

“Turn around.” I froze. I couldn’t let him see me like this. Suddenly, I was turning around. I panicked, tears rolling down my cheeks faster than ever. “No…” I couldn’t stop myself from turning. I averted my gaze, too scared to look into his eyes and see the disappointment in them. But, I couldn’t stop myself. I was too curious. I wanted to know if it really was him. I looked up. It was him, with his soft and gentle gaze that seemed to be only for me, with the small smirk he always wore on his face, with the child-like enthusiasm masked behind his cool gaze. He was wearing his signature outfit, a black tie, white shirt and a pair of grey pants accompanied by his blue bandanna which held his hair up into a ponytail, a hair style I loved on him.

“Is… is it really you?” I whispered, not wanting to let go of him and lose him once more. It’s funny how fate plays out, the undeserving of good having all the best things, and the ones who need and deserve them losing them rapidly. I stretched out my hand, tears streaming down my face, desperate to close the gap in between us. I wanted to touch his face, to know that this wasn’t a dream, to know that he was there for me. Just as I was about to run into his outstretched arms and apologise for all the pain and suffering I had unknowingly put him through, a blue barrier of shinsu appeared, pushing me back, back to where I had stood next to the lake, and into the icy cold water. “No!” I screamed, clawing at the water, desperate to get back to where he stood, waiting. As I was falling, crying, and screaming, I looked up. I saw him with his hands pressed up against the barrier, crying and wailing, tears spilling out and glistening at the corners of his eyes.

“I’m sorry…” I mouthed, hoping that he would see and would forgive me. I didn’t deserve him, didn’t deserve someone who would still love and care for me even after the unimaginable pain I put them through.

“No!” he screamed, his knees giving way and falling onto the dirt covered ground. “No…” he said again, this time softer, as if all the fight had drained out of him. He slammed his fists on the barrier, wailing as I sank down to the bottom of the lake, his broken cries echoing through my mind. “No!” I gasped, sitting up. I was on my bed, moonlight shining in from a crack in the blinds. As I curled up my fists, frustration and anger filling my body, I felt a piece of cloth in my hand. I held it up to the moonlight, trying to get a good look at what it was. There, in my hands, was his bandanna. How he had stuffed it in my hand, I had no idea. His broken cries echoed once more in my mind, and I couldn’t hold it in –– tears ran down my cheeks in rivulets as I clutched onto the bandanna tightly as if it were my lifeline, and in a way, it was.

Back where he stood next to the lake, crumpled on the ground, he was still crying silently, a sprig of purple lilacs in his hand. 


End file.
